- I don't see my cousins at all except for this one day, hence the extreme lack of communication and awkwardness.
- My sis and I are considered the black sheep of the bunch of cousins cause we steer clear of the headgear once raya is over, hence the disapproving looks we ALWAYS get from the makciks and their daughters. (no we are not paranoid)
- My mum sides them.
- There is really so much magazines and TV shows that one can distract themselves with when we are going visiting. (because no one talks)
- The lack of bond that every other family/relatives seems NOT to have.
- The constant updating of what I'm doing now and vice versa.
The list can go on and on. Not really that bitter anymore but this is really what I've been facing
for the past few years of my life. If I could come up with the most convincing story to tell my mum that I won't be able to celebrate the first day of raya, i really would.
Because I don't see the point of being physically there. I'll be more than glad to just spend it
with my family alone. You see, its not just me. My siblings and I are like a pact when thrown into these kind of situations. We stick with each other, preferring to literally sit at one corner with a jar of makmur and just quietly snickering about silly jokes Noi is making or about my uncle's hairdo. They are the reason why I still appear, why I am still sane, why I still put up a fake front. Its not that we don't make an effort, it is just too late. The age gap with the rest of them, the years that we've lost, the time that we could have spent getting to know each other.. has already past its time. Therefore, I rather very much concentrate on fostering the bond I have with my 3 siblings than trying to buy time to fixed the capsized boat.
I'm happy that even if we have our differences and I'm always labelled the bossy one(I AM the eldest you know) and we're not considered thaaat close, at least I have them, at least we still do make an effort to talk about our days , our worries and choosing one another over times like these.
I hope you're not reading this, but i love each and every one of you.
You are so different from each other yet so uniquely entertaining.
Mamat the full of energy one but always with the stoic look, the irony of it.
Zaki the talkative one, so stubborn yet so passionate about what he loves, the one i constantly worry about.
Noi the joker, always making everybody laugh. always sharing random things with me in the dark before we sleep and growing closer to her over the years. :)
I just hope we won't dread raya as much when we grow older and have kids of our own.
For now, thank god i have them.
To the rest of you, enjoy what you have now. I guess we can't always have everything.
See you when we jalan raya. :)
